The View from the Guzzi
Random thoughts and found objects collected while biking, thinking about biking, wishing I was biking, getting off the bike and wandering around, weird bits and pieces scrounged here and there, haiku... You get the idea: wig bubbles and impishness from the rolling Italian or German Zendos intended to bring a smile or inspire the odd musing... Snapshots from the brink of uncertainty. Comments, observations and questions invited. (However, I reserve the right to refuse service to louts and boors.) If I have something to say, I'll respond. Cool runnings! Namaste!
P.S. There are many things here from other sources: I try to be mindful of correct attribution and to reserve the color [blue] for entries in my own words...unless, of course, I've decided I like another color better... O, well!
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These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty. __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you kidding me? __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid! __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you kidding me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. __________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? _________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! _________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? _________________________________________________________ And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
I went out to the garage today to get a shovel to move the snow that fell overnight.
Putting the shovel away, the blinking light on the K1200 LTE caught my eye, the signal telling me that the anti-theft alarm is armed, the battery tender holding the BMW in suspended animation of deep winter sleep.
Like the Frankenstein monster of film, it is huge, German, deadly when not treated with due respect and possessed of a certain beauty.
Guzzi sleeps next to the BMW, a stealthier somnolence, equally elegant, giving no indication that it, too, is connected to its life support system, ready to proffer equal risks and rewards. Even in this penetrating cold, the sweep of exhaust pipes and gentle curve of its elegant leather saddle whisper promises of pleasures soon to come.
Presiding over this scene, bound to the wall by hooks and cords, dreaming of the moment when it will come back to life, the red kayak hangs in frigid silence.
This week I went down to the bicycle shop and picked up my bicycles.
Originally I'd taken in my commuter bike for a tune-up. But, by the time they were done, the bill had run up close to the cost of a new bicycle: I'd worn the moving parts of the old bike out.
So I decided to brace the shop employees on negotiating a deal on a new bicycle, as well.
Negotiations yielded a deeply discounted second bike to ride for pure pleasure.
And I finally put together that Yakima bike rack I bought for the car 5 years ago.
All await the disappearance of salt and ice, that moment when they, too, will wake from hibernation.
If I still smoked, I would have spent a moment with my nicotine buzz, thinking about letting the car take it easy during those seasons when I spend my efforts on getting around on two-wheels, my favorite mode of transport.
I did spend the moment, to be sure, and (because the nicotine addiction never really goes away) I had the pleasure of reminiscing on my days of smoking to boot.
This is a moment when the season promises change and I can look towards better days.
The motorcycle show comes here in mid-February.
Time to start the annual tradition of rereading the motorcycle rider safety manuals.
Yeah...
Zoom! Zoom!
From bitter lemons, a wise man squeezes his lemonade.
It's the birthday of the physician and lexicographer Peter Mark Roget, born in London, England (1779). He was a working doctor for most of his life, but in his spare time he invented a slide rule and a method of water filtration that is still in use today. And he wrote papers on a variety of topics, including the kaleidoscope and Dante. He was a contributor to the early Encylopaedia Britannica.
He was 61 years old, and had just retired from his medical practice, when he decided to devote his retirement to publishing a system of classifying words into groups, based on their meanings. And that became the Thesaurus of English Words and Phrases, published in 1852. The word "thesaurus" means "treasury" in Greek.
At the last minute, Roget decided to include an index. That index, which helped readers find synonyms, made Roget's thesaurus one of the most popular reference books of all time.
There has been a strong push to nominate US Air Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger and Co-pilot Jeff Skiles for the highest civilian award, the "PRESIDENTIAL MEDAL OF FREEDOM". If you're interested in supporting this effort, please write and send a letter of support to President O'Bama at the White House.
It's the birthday of Dian Fossey, born in San Francisco (1932). She lived alone for 18 years, studying mountain gorillas in the cold, rainy mountains of Rwanda. She was the first person ever approached by gorillas in the wild, and she would sit with them for hours while they swatted her gently with leaves and played with her hair. She wrote a book about her experience called Gorillas in the Mist (1983).
A Japanese warrior was captured by his enemies and thrown into prison. That night he was unable to sleep because he feared that the next day he would be interrogated, tortured, and executed. Then the words of his Zen master came to him, "Tomorrow is not real. It is an illusion. The only reality is now." Heeding these words, the warrior became peaceful and fell asleep.
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